The Moment I Knew

As a young girl, I didn't dream of the typical things my other peers did. I never dreamed of being an astronaut or a princess or a doctor. The things I dreamed of were very far from what were perceived as normal.

I dreamed of the day I would become a mother. I couldn't wait to grow up and have a family of my own. It's all I thought about. Early on, I remember playing with babies. I had so many. I'd take them to the store with me, to the park, in the car, everywhere. I took care of them as if they were real.

As I got older, I started babysitting. I think I started around age 12. I loved it. I took care of those kids like they were my siblings. I loved each and every one of them! I started babysitting more and more, until I had various families who called me regularly to babysit. I was so excited when I got phone calls asking if I was available! Once I was able to drive, those phone calls were a lot more regular. I'd babysit basically every day and most weekends. I would have rather been hanging out with one of my babysitting kiddos than hanging out at some party, like most teenagers. Maybe it's because I was a kid at heart! Truthfully I still am. I wouldn't have it any other way, either!

As a teenager, I watched my best friend, my sister, struggle to have a baby of her own. Her, and her husband at the time, struggled to have a baby. They tried for many years to have a baby. I saw the heartbreak in her eyes, I felt the pain she felt. I thought I would never have a niece or nephew. I thought my big sister would never have a child to call her own and it broke my heart into a million pieces, because it was all she ever wanted. She finally gave up hope after many years.

Around that time, I heard about surrogacy. The first time I heard about it, I knew that one day, I would want to do that for someone. I wanted to do that for my sister. I wanted to give her the gift of life and love. I wanted to make her happy. I Knew she would be the best mom in the world. After all, she helped raise me, so I knw how great of a mother she would be. Eventually, Amanda found love again, with a wonderful guy named Luke. He had kids of his own. He was going through a custody battle at the time, and in the end, he won. She took on those boys as if they were her own. She took care of them. She cooked for them, cleaned for them, did everything she could. Most of all, she loved them. She is an amazing stepmother to them. They are definitely lucky to have her. 

Still, she wanted a baby of her own. She wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. She thought she would never be able to. When I was 18 I got pregnant. 

My sister was happy, but she was devastated. She didn't understand how her baby sister could have a child, but she couldn't. I'm that moment, I was heartbroken. My heart hurt for her. I felt grief for a child that wasn't even created. I didn't understand. Nothing seemed fair in that moment. 

My pregnancy continued, my baby was growing, I was getting more excited! I was ready for My baby's due day. It couldn't come soon enough. I got through my first trimester smoothly! I didn't even have morning sickness! Things were perfect with me. 

Things were about to get even more perfect. I was about 5 months into my pregnancy and I received a phone call that I'd never thought I'd get. My sister called to tell me she was pregnant. I was in shock. I didn't believe it. I don't think anyone did. No one deserved that pregnancy more than her. Our babies were conceived about 4 months apart. I believe it was meant to be that way. I believe she didn't get pregnant because our babies were suppose to grow up together. Now, our girls are best friends. She just had her second baby, 3 weeks ago. He is so perfect. My heart is full. I couldn't be happier for her. She is such an amazing mother and I'm so grateful that she gets to experience motherhood with me. 

After seeing her struggle though, and knowing how hard it was for her, made me want to go through with eventually being a surrogate. I wanted to help someone create life. I wanted them to know the feeling of holding your baby for the first time. I wanted them to experience all the firsts. To hear the first cry, the first coo, the first giggle. Those are the best moments. I have to healthy children. My body is capable. Why not share that? All I want to do is make someone happy. To give them the gift of life and love.

Having children was the best thing that happened to me. And now, I have the chance of letting someone else experience it too. 

This is my story.