Try Again

These have been two of the hardest weeks I’ve had in along time. Waiting was excruciating. Nobody likes to wait, but oh boy was this difficult. I mean, this is a big deal, and we all just wanted to know.

I went for bloodwork 6 days after the transfer. This was to make sure my levels were all good, and my body was reacting properly to the medicine and doing what it was suppose to, and possibly see if HCG was present. There wasn’t. 

That early it typically isn’t a big deal though, because the baby could have just implanted late. It happens often. I talked to my nurse and she said I’d go back in a few days to see if my levels raised.

Between those few days I bought so many pregnancy tests. 

I started seeing two lines! Plus signs! I was THRILLED.

The parents were so happy. Of course, we weren’t 100% sure since I hadn’t had more bloodwork yet. We all stayed optimistic. I think I went to the store every day to buy pregnancy tests. Who knew you could be excited to pee on a stick. 😂 

I went in for more bloodwork Friday. I heard my results pretty early that day. The blood test came back positive for pregnancy. It was very low, though, but she said once again, it could have just implanted late. So I was still hopeful! 

I continued to take tests to see if the lines got darker. They didn’t. They only got lighter. I was so confused. I didn’t know what was going on. I was trying to stay positive though. Literally!

Monday I did even more bloodwork! I got results back pretty quickly. 

Negative.

The transfer failed. The baby didn’t stick. 

I was so disappointed. Sad. Heartbroken. All I could think about, weres these two amazing people who want nothing more than to be parents. The deserve it more than anyone I know. My heart ached for them. I wanted this for them so badly, 

Of course they were bummed, but they are hopeful and optimistic and more than ready to try again! I am too. I am 110% all in! 

Sometime at the beginning of the year I will go back and do another transfer! I cannot wait. I have faith it will work. I just know it will! This is what I was meant to do. 

Surrogacy is a whole lot of hurry up and wait. It has taught me patience. I’m constantly having to hurry up just to wait. Let me tell you though, when I get to see them hold their precious baby for the first time...it’s going to be worth it. The wait is so so worth it.

I am hopeful. I am positive. I am ready to do this.

I am ready to try again.